census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
