Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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