So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
