he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
