I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Please don't give away my fajitas
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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