Need sex. Gaining weight.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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