I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
