it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
