cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
