finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
