think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
