Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
just found out that she named her cat after me.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
