You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
