Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
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You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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