Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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