my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
