have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
