I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
