life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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