I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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