I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
