I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
