dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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