I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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