If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize