Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
