oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
