hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize