Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
