see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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