And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
