were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
