3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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