Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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