In the future we'll all be gay
there's paper in my vomit.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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