he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
