So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
