I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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