Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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