Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
