and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I AM VODKA MAN
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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