i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
