I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Randomize
