I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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