arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
