Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Less talking, more tequila
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
