now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
