well I can't set my house on fire every night
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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