so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
