as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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