I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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