i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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