he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
