3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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