the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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