i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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