Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
