doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
