Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
oh god the rape fog is back!
I feel like abortions should bother me more
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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