she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
