Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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