Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
