Buhtt sex?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
