his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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