In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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