There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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