sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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