his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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