Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
