i'm signing you up for texting rehab
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
