If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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