I skipped work to stalk him.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
